reality

Today Baby K turned three months old.

I wonder how much she has grown, and what she looks like nearly seven weeks after her referral photo was taken. I’m hoping we get an update soon; an update with a new photo would be wonderful.

I have little conversations with Baby K every day. Her referral photo hangs on the front of our refrigerator door. I rub her little belly and ask her how her day is going, and did she sleep well overnight, and did she see her friend A (my friend’s son, who is at the same orphanage) today? I tell her things that we’re doing so that we can come to see her, like when we sent off our visa applications, or when I scheduled our travel shots. Little things like that.

It’s a very strange feeling, knowing that there is this child halfway around the world who is supposedly (and hopefully) going to be our child. We’ve been thinking about this scenario in the abstract for so long, but now it’s real. She is an actual child; she really exists. But we don’t know any details about her daily life, or even what she looks like today. We don’t know what her little personality is shaping up to be, how much she eats, or how long she sleeps in a stretch. We don’t know what or who makes her smile. So while I have these little conversations with her photo on a regular basis, she still seems abstract in many ways.

I imagine she won’t seem truly real until we are there, holding her and looking into her eyes and talking with her. Maybe it still won’t even feel real then, that she’ll be our daughter, since we’ll have to leave and come home without her. But she will be real.

I’m ready for that particular reality.

 

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15 Responses to reality

  1. Barbara says:

    Such a sweet post. Wow, 3 months is still so young. Can’t wait till you meet her. Obviously she is adorable.

  2. Jenny says:

    This wait is SO hard! I hope you get an update sooooon!!!! Are there any families over there now or in the near future?

  3. Kyra says:

    I’ve had a lot of conversations with the photo on my fridge as well. I hope you hear about court soon!

  4. Mary Beth says:

    Your post expresses so many unknowns… so many yet-to-be-discovered, immensely memorable and significant moments. All yet to be experienced and learned.

    I am almost certain it will feel real when you “are there, holding her and looking into her eyes and talking with her.”

    I have not ‘been there’ or ‘done that,’ yet, but I can only imagine…

  5. Molly says:

    I do the same thing with our little guy (who turned 30 months today–gah!). It’s amazing how much you can miss someone you haven’t actually met yet. I hope your process is smooth and fast.

  6. Motherparadox says:

    A’s pictures are on our fridge, too. My husband always says, “hey there, little guy.” I kiss the pictures. It is like a secret love affair you are having with someone across the world, indeed it IS a love affair that few people outside the adoption community could ever understand.

  7. michelleoryl says:

    I hope an update and photo are sitting in your inbox and/or mailbox tomorrow. Fingers crossed!

  8. findingmagnolia says:

    I understand exactly how you feel. 🙂

  9. kim says:

    i totally get what you mean and was actually just writing about this the other day on my blog. a weird feeling. fortunately ive gotten pretty regularly reports, and even a daily schedule of his activities which has helped me through. but even with all that – its a very weird connection. cant wait to get there!! sooo soon 🙂

  10. rachinhishands says:

    I got a little teary reading this. I get this, I so get this! But this waiting *will* end and I cannot wait to see you holding your sweet little K! Thinking of you, Kelly!! Hugs.

  11. christinek0409 says:

    I love your little conversations with her every day! She will love to hear that detail when she gets older. 🙂 It seemed a little surreal to me when waiting for Joel to come home, too. Soon enough, though, she will be real and you’ll be able to hold her and love on her!

  12. 12450miles says:

    I remember these feelings so well … it’s a weird time. I bet that after you have her in your arms that first time, it will become very real, very fast! I can’t wait for that moment!

  13. sue says:

    i so hope you get some updates of your sweet girl! i love that you have conversations with her! hoping that the wait goes by super fast! i can’t wait until get to hold her and of course when she is in your arms forever.

  14. klarobinson215 says:

    Everything changes once you see that picture doesn’t it? Soon it WILL be even more real once you get to hold your girl. Your time is coming!!

  15. Kelly says:

    This in between time is ridiculously surreal, but very soon it will be completely real. I can’t wait for you to jump on that plane ..,. which I know now is SOON!!

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