Today Baby K turned three months old.
I wonder how much she has grown, and what she looks like nearly seven weeks after her referral photo was taken. I’m hoping we get an update soon; an update with a new photo would be wonderful.
I have little conversations with Baby K every day. Her referral photo hangs on the front of our refrigerator door. I rub her little belly and ask her how her day is going, and did she sleep well overnight, and did she see her friend A (my friend’s son, who is at the same orphanage) today? I tell her things that we’re doing so that we can come to see her, like when we sent off our visa applications, or when I scheduled our travel shots. Little things like that.
It’s a very strange feeling, knowing that there is this child halfway around the world who is supposedly (and hopefully) going to be our child. We’ve been thinking about this scenario in the abstract for so long, but now it’s real. She is an actual child; she really exists. But we don’t know any details about her daily life, or even what she looks like today. We don’t know what her little personality is shaping up to be, how much she eats, or how long she sleeps in a stretch. We don’t know what or who makes her smile. So while I have these little conversations with her photo on a regular basis, she still seems abstract in many ways.
I imagine she won’t seem truly real until we are there, holding her and looking into her eyes and talking with her. Maybe it still won’t even feel real then, that she’ll be our daughter, since we’ll have to leave and come home without her. But she will be real.
I’m ready for that particular reality.