To be filed in the good news/bad news category:

Yesterday’s weekly update from our agency showed that three referrals had gone out, including two in our age range! (That’s the good news.)

Unfortunately, neither referral was for us. ย (Bad news.)

I have to admit that I was completely flabbergasted when I saw this. I mean, I have been positive that we were next up. How could there be referrals, but not one for us?

Our agency does not tell us where we are on the list. So, when our case manager told us she could be calling any day now (starting in September), and then last week shared with me details of what days she’d be taking off for the holidays (and told me that if our referral came in, someone else would be calling us), I took that as a sign that we must be next. They are usually very non-committal and not interested in giving you time estimates. Combine that with the information shared about the length of time families are waiting in our weekly updates (which has pretty much exactly matched our length of wait for months now), and I was just SURE we were next. Why bother telling people you could be calling any day now if there were at least three other families ahead of them? (Since that call in September there have been three other referrals in our age range.)

I spent time last night and this morning responding to emails from friends with the same agency who saw the update and were also just sure it was us. I love that they were all disappointed, too, when they heard it wasn’t! This support system is simply awesome. (Anyone interested in seeing what sort of support you can get through blogging should read through the comments on my last non-Paris post. Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you.)

Despite my surprise about this, I’m not sad. I had convinced myself that nothing was going to happen before the holidays, so it’s not a shock to me that we didn’t get a referral.ย No matter what, it’s very encouraging to see some activity in the referrals department. Some families are having an extra happy holiday season, that is for sure. Let’s hope the trend continues and early 2012 is a busy time for referrals.

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20 Responses to activity

  1. Liz says:

    You are getting closer, that is for sure!

    I think some of the confusion/frustration/surprise about when you get a referral with WHFC is that they really don’t have a “list” – they have a bunch of people waiting, and a complicated way of keeping track of who’s “next”. There might be people waiting for a sibling set under 4 OR a single child under 12 months, whichever comes first – are they ahead of you or behind you? It kind of depends. Or they have people who are waiting for a child who is at least a year younger than the youngest child they already have, so their age range keeps changing as that child gets older. Or they had five people waiting for a child in your age range who all started waiting on the same day you did, but only three children to refer…if they had 10 children to refer, you definitely would have gotten a call, but in this case you didn’t. And you may or may not get a referall in the next batch, depending on how many children there are.

    • kelly says:

      Yeah, I understand the way it works, at least intellectually. It seems like the days of large numbers of referrals are long gone, though. I’m just feeling now that I’ve been foolish to be on the edge of my seat for months now, when the anxiety was clearly not warranted. Oh well.

  2. Holli says:

    So grateful there’s been SOME activity, Kelly. Chin up as you look forward to 2012!


  3. Molly says:

    Activity is a good sign–it’s been a while! I’m glad you have a good outlook on it, and very impressed by how well you’re handling it! 2 steps closer….

  4. katy says:

    As someone in line behind you, I love tracking your progress. Thanks for sharing with us. ๐Ÿ™‚ I opened the weekly update expecting to see no referrals and was pleasantly surprised. Merry Christmas to you and what a wonderful new year it will be. ๐Ÿ™‚ p.s. I know the waiting still stinks! I get it for sure. ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. I was bummed for you! I thought it would be one of the families whose blogs I read. Hang in there!

  6. Ingrid says:


    (ps- not totally random- used to be workshop for beginners, also known once upon a time as dandies)

  7. Jennifer says:

    I feel for you. After a September call, I almost went nuts waiting until mid/late October. Every day I would check my cell phone so much the battery was constantly dead. I didn’t leave it out of reach even when in the bathroom. ๐Ÿ˜‰ I CANNOT imagine being in that state of limbo and dreading Friday afternoons (when the offices close) for months like you have so far. I really think you are sooooooo close. Heck, maybe tomorrow is the day. We still have awhile until 2012!

  8. sue says:

    I was disappointed it wasn’t you! But this does indicate that 2012 will be a mighty fine good year.

  9. sue says:

    ring, phone ring!!!!! you are soooooo close! i can feel it!!!!

  10. I agree that any activity is very good news at this point! Though it is indeed disappointing that your own news didn’t come before Christmas. Well, now I’m going to hope it kicks the new year off for you both. I, too, feel like you’ve got to be teetering on the very top of that list. Any day now. We’re all waiting with you and supporting you. Have a wonderful holiday — you deserve it!

  11. Christine says:

    I thought *for sure* you were next… But now I’m positive you are close… I’m thinking your new year is going to be pretty amazing!!!

  12. Kristine says:

    Argh!!! I want it to be now! It will happen. It will. And when it does and you finally bring your little one home it will seem like it was all a dream. At least that is how my 5 year journey now feels. It feels like a dream. it also feels like the wait is for a reason because this little boy is my son. No other boy would do. That’s how my heart feels.

  13. Brandi says:

    You shall receive a referral on my birthday! I was SO hoping you would get the call before Christmas. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

  14. Kala says:

    Hoping that your agecy is hard at work in the next year with so many referrals coming in!

  15. Sandra says:

    I am sorry that you are still waiting. I hope your new year starts off with some great news. I know you are more than ready to see that face.

  16. Kelly says:

    Um, yeah, even though it makes sense intellectually, I would have been quite flabbergasted myself that those referrals went to someone else. Argh!!! But you have a very good outlook – referrals coming in is a good thing. And now 2012 is actually HERE, my friend! It’s going to be quite an amazing year for you and Craig. I can’t wait!!!

  17. Janet says:

    (I’m behind on reading…again.)
    Our agency used to tell people what number they were on the list…they no longer do. I kind of understand why, but it also causes even more guessing & confusion. But…even when you are told you are #1, a referral might still go to someone else…because of it matching the medical profile better, etc… BUT…that being said…like Kelly said too…even though it makes sense and is logical…it still is like a sock in the gut.
    I hope your phone rings soon…new year…it is time. This is your year!

  18. I am so behind in life right now and just am getting to my blogs. Being sick for over 3+ weeks did not help. First off, it is 2012 and we KNOW this is YOUR year. All the signs were there for you to believe you were next but I tend to agree with Janet, sometimes “matching” steps in and intervenes. I believe everything happens for a reason. Deep breaths and keep running sister…you need to prep to keep up with your little one soon!

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