At the beginning of this past week, I started to feel something strange taking over me. I felt calm, I felt peaceful. I felt like something good was going to happen. I felt like it was going to be a great week – maybe THE week – for us.
I also heard my adoption theme song – “Haven’t Met You Yet” – on three random occasions this week. This isn’t a song I hear very often on the radio anymore, so it really struck me to hear it. The first time I thought, Hey, this is pretty cool! It’s my adoption theme song! The second time I thought, Oh wow, is this a sign? Twice in 24 hours?! And the third time? Well, on the third time I just burst into tears while parking my car at the credit union. It wasn’t a sad cry or a happy cry, but a holy-heck-this-adoption-thing-is-exhausting cry. (But I have to say, it was very therapeutic.)
The following lyrics are what really got to me:
I might have to wait, I’ll never give up
I guess it’s half timing, and the other half’s luck
Wherever you are, whenever it’s right
You’ll come out of nowhere and into my life
I should note that I was parked not 10 feet from a few people waiting in line for the ATM (where I was headed). Those lucky people got to witness an ugly cry by the crazy lady sitting alone in her car. Oh well.
I have been letting myself feel some things that I haven’t let myself feel in years – things like hope and excitement. I’m fighting the defense mechanisms that seem to naturally kick in for me, and I’m working on letting myself actually feel those things. I think that was part of what triggered the crying session, though – feeling some things I haven’t felt in so long, and fighting the urge to shove them back into that deep, dark hole they’ve been hiding in for ages.
Anyway, all in all, in the end it wasn’t a great week, but it was a fine week. The phone did not ring. And that’s okay.
But next week IS going to be a great week… because we’re spending it in Paris! We leave in just about an hour (and amazingly enough I am all packed and ready to go). We are both really excited and looking forward to exploring one of the world’s great cities. Neither of us has been before, so this is a real treat.
YES, I’ve set up my phone to work while we’re in Paris, and I’ve let our agency know we’ll be out of town but still totally reachable. But I’m not going to spend the week wondering if the phone is going to ring. Instead I’m going to enjoy the sights, sounds, smells, and tastes of a city I’ve always dreamed of going to, and I’m going to particularly enjoy the special time with my hubby.