a great week

At the beginning of this past week, I started to feel something strange taking over me. I felt calm, I felt peaceful. I felt like something good was going to happen. I felt like it was going to be a great week – maybe THE week – for us.

I also heard my adoption theme song – “Haven’t Met You Yet” – on three random occasions this week. This isn’t a song I hear very often on the radio anymore, so it really struck me to hear it. The first time I thought, Hey, this is pretty cool! It’s my adoption theme song! The second time I thought, Oh wow, is this a sign? Twice in 24 hours?! And the third time? Well, on the third time I just burst into tears while parking my car at the credit union. It wasn’t a sad cry or a happy cry, but a holy-heck-this-adoption-thing-is-exhausting cry. (But I have to say, it was very therapeutic.)

The following lyrics are what really got to me:

I might have to wait, I’ll never give up
I guess it’s half timing, and the other half’s luck
Wherever you are, whenever it’s right
You’ll come out of nowhere and into my life

I should note that I was parked not 10 feet from a few people waiting in line for the ATM (where I was headed). Those lucky people got to witness an ugly cry by the crazy lady sitting alone in her car. Oh well.

I have been letting myself feel some things that I haven’t let myself feel in years – things like hope and excitement. I’m fighting the defense mechanisms that seem to naturally kick in for me, and I’m working on letting myself actually feel those things. I think that was part of what triggered the crying session, though – feeling some things I haven’t felt in so long, and fighting the urge to shove them back into that deep, dark hole they’ve been hiding in for ages.

Anyway, all in all, in the end it wasn’t a great week, but it was a fine week. The phone did not ring. And that’s okay.

But next week IS going to be a great week… because we’re spending it in Paris! We leave in just about an hour (and amazingly enough I am all packed and ready to go). We are both really excited and looking forward to exploring one of the world’s great cities. Neither of us has been before, so this is a real treat.

YES, I’ve set up my phone to work while we’re in Paris, and I’ve let our agency know we’ll be out of town but still totally reachable. But I’m not going to spend the week wondering if the phone is going to ring. Instead I’m going to enjoy the sights, sounds, smells, and tastes of a city I’ve always dreamed of going to, and I’m going to particularly enjoy the special time with my hubby.

Au revoir!

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15 Responses to a great week

  1. sarah says:

    Have a fabulous time! Paris is wonderful. That’s fantastic you are feeling at peace with things; you’re due.

  2. Jenny says:

    was really hoping this was going to be the week, friend! i’m SO glad you made it so you can get calls in paris! that would be the worst to not know!!! ENJOY YOUR TRIP!

  3. dana says:

    i totally know what the “holy-heck-this-adoption-thing-is-exhausting cry” is…some times it’s just needed. well sometimes more then once a day is needed for me…but i feel you friend! 😉 i hope you guys have the most amazing time!!! enjoy…enjoy…enjoy!!!

  4. Theresa says:

    I loved Paris! Enjoy your vacation. Find a small bakery and just indulge in croissants and pan du chocolate.

    And I know what you mean about sometimes the most random things (a song a movie etc.,) just hitting you and losing it. It happens to all of us and it is perfectly understandable.

  5. kwatkinsinfl says:

    I always think about my kids-to-be when I hear that song, too! Have a great time in Paris…I think it will make a great referral story to hear you go the car while at the top of the Eiffel Tower!

  6. enjoy! oh, the ugly cry. BTDT. keep up the faith, girly, and soak up the frenchness.

  7. Sandra says:

    I love that your adoption has a theme song 😉
    Enjoy Paris! There can’t be a better distraction.

  8. Have a wonderful time, Kelly. You deserve it! And hope you come home to the best of news!

  9. Karlie says:

    Kelly – have an amazing trip. Paris really is a magical city. And if you have time – try and stop by this bakery – it’s sooooo good. Enjoy!

    http://www.poilane.fr/index.php?lang=en

  10. molly says:

    I love the theme song! Have an AMAZING trip!!!

  11. Emily B. says:

    Hope you are having a fabulous time!!!

  12. christine says:

    I hope you are having an AMAZING time in Paris! You and Craig certainly deserve it!

  13. Kelly says:

    That song is TOTALLY your theme song and I love that you heard it thrice (yes, I did just say that). So it wasn’t THE week, it’s still a big deal that you felt like you could feel hope and excitement again. And then to hit Paris. You guys are doing this right. From the FB updates, it’s been a fabulous trip. I just can’t wait to hear all about it and see photos in a blog post when you get back (no pressure – ha!) and then the next chapter of your lives really can begin … are you ready?!

  14. Meg B says:

    Hmmmm, we were in Paris a month before our referral… =)

  15. sue says:

    i’m totally behind over here. . . anyway, i love that song too! those lyrics get me every time. and i am all about signs – even if it doesn’t happen immediately, those signs are signaling something to you. i can’t wait until the phone rings for you!!!!

    i also can’t wait to hear about paris!!!!

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