eighteen

Today marks 18 months on the waiting list. There was a point in time when 18 months was on the very long end of our expected wait. Today we have no idea how much longer our wait will be. Our agency gave out an infant referral this past week (the first in five months – so that was encouraging to see), and that family waited 24 months. So I guess our best gauge at this point is to aim for 24 months. That takes us to November. I have to believe, though, that the wait will get longer. If we continue with a slow pace of referrals, that’s just the way the math works.

There is nothing new to report from Ethiopia. The announced slow down in processing cases is in effect. It will be a while before we see what this slowdown actually looks like and how it affects families and children in process.

I have been trying very hard to keep my chin up, but it’s getting more and more difficult. We have a call scheduled with our case worker this week, and I plan to ask her some questions about back-up options, such as changing our requested age range, adding another country to the mix, or adding a domestic process. We don’t really want to do any of those things, and frankly, I’m at the point where this is all pretty much just ticking me off. We made all of these decisions already – age range, international vs. domestic, which country, etc. – and here we are again, two years later and unsure of what will happen. But, we’ll do what we have to do to consider our options again. It seems like we have to at this point.

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19 Responses to eighteen

  1. Meg B says:

    I keep waiting to hear some news, anything! But alas, nada. I am trying to stay positive and hopeful that MOWA will get the staff and resources they need to process more cases than 5/day without compromising an ethical process. It just does not make sense for kids to spend any more time than absolutely necessary in a care center. I’ve heard that some of the key players are out of the town for some kind of trainings so maybe when they return they’ll reconsider and refine the process?? Hang in there, waiting is tough enough; now we have even more uncertainty…

  2. Barbara says:

    What a difficult situation. I won’t bother you with platitudes but will simply offer a virtual hug. I will pray for a miracle and still really hope you will meet your baby in 2011.

  3. Erin says:

    Why does this take so long? I keep hoping to hear some good news from you!! I know it probably feels like forever to you. Hang in there.

  4. Krista says:

    I’m so sorry Kelly. I have a local friend who recently had to make some big decisions about their Ethiopian adoption too. They are now adopting through CAS. The important thing to remember is that you want to be parents (and you will be fabulous ones!) and as you know that does not always go as planned. But you will become parents and still love that child however he or she may come to you. I hope that makes sense. HUGS my friend!

  5. Jennifer says:

    I know the slowdown makes people reconsider their age range. I expected a 4ish and 6ish child with asking 0-6 and being approved 0-8. However, the “whoops” –almost l2 month old baby I was referred turned out to be amazing. I mean I never planned for one, but I have to say that had I known what a baby would be like.. I am afraid I may have limited myself more and put in a sibling request for one younger. I mean there is something about getting to know a child from the early stages.. It took me five months from referral to coming home, so the baby was l7 months by the time it came home. A lot of time passes after the referral, so if you want a baby, I would stay young with the age range.

  6. colleen says:

    it just breaks my heart, kelly, that you have waited this long and still don’t have any definite answers. i wish i had something wonderful to say to make you feel better, but know that you are in my thoughts! hang in there!

  7. Stephen says:

    Kelly, definitely feel for you. We were at the start of journey of adopting number two and then we heard the same news of the slowdown and it has kind of paralyzed us in our process because we really don’t know what to do next either. Just make sure that you ask questions so you know your options!

  8. Angela Hall-Richards says:

    Kelly, I can empathize with you regarding the changes with MOWA. I know they consider it necessary, but it’s so heartbreaking. Choosing to adopt a child from a particular country is a big decision. You wrap your heart around the process of embracing another culture for your future child. It’s hard to turn emotional connections on and off. I just pay that you guys remain strong and are able to make the best decision for your family, whether it includes waiting or moving forward with another process.

    Children deserve good families and perspective parents deserve definitive adoption processes.

  9. kwatkinsinfl says:

    I can’t imagine 24 months. We are at 15 months for siblings, and I am already at the end of my rope. You are right about it feeling unfair to have to reevaluate all the options. We recently did this, and the whole time I kept thinking, “BUT WE ALREADY DID THIS!!” It’s also hard to see people with shorter wait times because they made different decisions at the front end. I feel like if we had made some different choices early on, we’d be home with kids by now. But, I have to believe that eventually, it will all fall into place and there will be a reason we waited so long.

  10. Kala says:

    Oh Kelly, how heartbreaking. Seeing the wait get longer and longer would be so discouraging. I’m glad that your keeping your chin up. Hopefully the call with your social worker will bring some promising uplifting news!

  11. Sarah says:

    You are totally justified in being upset over this latest bit of uncertainty. I would also be ticked off about having to revisit these big decisions again too (they are hard enough to make once!). You have been so amazingly patient and committed about the process, and I wish you had a clearer idea of what is in store for you. I think you are smart to at least get a sense of other options even if you stick with this plan. Will be thinking of you in these coming weeks.

  12. Zoe says:

    Boy, do I hear you. I hope the conversation with your case manager helps. I think being pro-active and re-evaluating is perhaps the only way to deal with this difficult process. We have decided, for now, not to change our requested parameters, but we also know that we may need to completely re-evaluate if things get progressively more difficult. Hopefully not, but nothing is certain as you know.

  13. Kris says:

    I don’t blame you for being ticked off. I feel angry for you, Kelly. I’m sorry you’ve been waiting so long and are still unsure of what lies ahead. I hope the meeting you have scheduled gives you some answers.

  14. Aunt Holli says:

    😦

    I’m with you.

  15. Kelly says:

    Kelly, you’ve got a whole army of friends who are angry on your behalf. The only thing worse than a long wait is an uncertain wait. It just plain sucks. I hate this situation.

  16. Janet says:

    I sit here trying to think of something PERFECT to say…but I cannot come up with it. This is a very unperfect situation (understatement)…that makes me ticked off too…because there are children who need families and there are parents ready to parent. I so wish there was a good solution…and a positive change around the corner…and I wish you didn’t have to reconsider things (age range, country, etc…)…that would be SO hard. Having the time frame lengthen in an unknown way is awful. I’m sorry…HUGS to you!!

  17. Christine says:

    Kelly, I’m ticked off for you too! I know it’s all happening for a reason and your perfect child is out there somewhere. (And I’m not just offering that to make you feel better… I was brought to tears today when I realized that I could not have had a more perfect son for this family) BUT. It’s flipping annoying to have such uncertainty. We had plenty of it in our journey (8 months in we switched countries, and were matched 12 months after that) and it always made me ANTSY and ANGRY. Ugh. Hugs my friend, hugs.

  18. Emily B. says:

    I’ve been meaning to comment on this post for a while. I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. Every time I hear an update about Ethiopia you are one of the first people I think of. I think you are doing an amazing job keeping your chin up!! You are seriously a class act!! Sending lots of love your way!!!!

  19. sue says:

    you are never far from my mind, kelly. i’m cheering for you loud and obnoxiously from the sidelines and maybe yelling a bit about how long this is taking for you guys, too. you have every right to be ticked off my friend!

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