who’s counting?

We are now 13 months into our wait.

I’ve noted before that my approach to The Wait is keeping an eye on the weekly updates from our agency (WHFC). Each Tuesday, we get an email that tells us how many referrals have been given out in the various age ranges. In the little table, next to the number of referrals given out, there is a column that says “Time Families Are Waiting,” which tells, well, how long the families waited to receive their referral. Presently this number is 20 months for the age range we have requested (0-12 months).

So, when the number is 20, that makes our status at 13 months seem not all that terrible. If we wait 20 months, that means we should expect our referral somewhere around the end of June.

However, our agency didn’t have any infant referrals in November. So, even if the next infant referral goes out today, that “Time Waiting” category is going to go up to 21 months.

I know that we expected a long wait, and we still haven’t even reached our initial estimated timeline (the estimated wait was about 16 months when we first started in October 2009). It’s just hard to see the numbers go in the wrong direction as we supposedly get closer to a referral. And we’re not even all that close – what about those who are 20 months into their wait?!

I feel like I’ve been doing really well with The Wait, but I’ve felt a shift in that recently. Maybe it’s the holiday season, and all of the reminders that everyone else has kids and we don’t. Also, several of my bloggy friends have received referrals lately, and while I’m truly happy for them, I would be lying if I said there wasn’t a bit of jealousy underneath my smiles. I’m just tired of waiting.


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18 Responses to who’s counting?

  1. Jenny says:

    you have been doing AMAZINGLY well with the wait! i would have NO hair by now if i were you 🙂 i totally totally get the underlying jealousy… i think that has been there for all of us. praying and praying that the wait time moves the “right” way soon. it CAN go back down and that’s what i’m hoping happens in your case. hoping for a BIG december of infant referrals! this part is SO stinkink’ hard.

    btw – i love that the snow is back! i might try to add some to my blog this year!

  2. Holli says:

    Awww, schucks. It’s hard to wait – especially when the number keeps extending, but this too shall pass. Chin up, girl! You can do it!


  3. AJ says:

    I know how disheartening it can be to see that wait time get longer, but hang in there! Just remember that the process has to work out the way it does so that you can adopt the child you are meant to parent! 🙂

  4. Julie says:

    Hang in there. It is a very tough time.

  5. inventingliz says:

    Though my wait was not nearly that long, I can relate – the estimated time just kept getting longer and longer the more I waited…but it will happen eventually! Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

  6. sue says:

    kelly, you have been on my mind so much lately. you were one of the first people i thought of when we got our referral – my heart hurt for you and your long wait. i think everything you are feeling is completely natural. we waited 18 months for c’s referral and i had my ups and downs during that time. i wish i could just fast forward the time for you – you guys have been through so much and you have handled this wait with so much grace. hoping that things pick up over the next few months. sending hugs to you!!!!

  7. kim young says:

    praying for you – and wishing my 6 were as tall as your 13 😉

  8. Erin says:

    I can’t imagine how hard it is for you to wait for your child, just knowing your child is out there just waiting to be adopted by you. All perfect things take a lot of time. In the meantime, try to stay sane. *hugs*

  9. Jennifer says:

    I don’t think your wait will increase to 21 months. Remember they said in a recent update when there like zero referrals for the month (maybe September or something).. that months like that are taken into consideration when they estimate. Therefore people would not expect to wait longer with slow months.

    I do think siblings are hard to predict, but you can get an idea for those by looking at past requests.

    OK. I am seriously going to expect you to wait less than 20 months. Dead serious. You were already well into it when they upped the number to 20, so I don’t think you will be waiting that long. 🙂

  10. Zoe says:

    I think the wait gets harder the closer it gets. Maybe you should approach 2011 the same way you did 2010 — with lots of projects and a decision to savor every last minute of couple time, nights’ out, long leisurely chats with friends, etc. Because that referral will truly be here before you know it, and this waiting time will eventually fade in your memory.

  11. Meg B says:

    Ok, this snow totally threw me. I thought something was wrong with my computer =) Oh, and this post says exactly what I am feeling right now, so thanks for saving me some time with a similar post. On the 5th we’ll be at 13 months and have exceeded the projected wait times from WHFC…kinda sucks. Now we have no idea what to expect, anticipate, and hope for with regard to timeline. I talked to our case manager today and it was pretty much a downer…I may write about it tonight. But in any case, I am right there with you. It’s a hard time for sure.

  12. Belinda says:

    This too shall pass. Hang in there! Enjoy your last quiet Christmas together. Next year is going to be your year, and I will be waiting with bated breath for your news. A virtual hug to you!!

  13. Kelly, I wish I had half of your patience. Congratulations on maintaining your sanity, thanks to your busy summer and travel plans. As you know, we didn’t wait long, but, for the time that we did wait, keeping busy is the best medicine, or else you may end up making yourself nuts! I can’t wait to read about your amazing referral come Spring/early Summer!!

  14. Christine says:

    Oh Kelly, this just stinks! I can only imagine how tired you are. I really struggled during the second holiday season of our wait… it’s *rough.* I wish I had wise words for you but most of my coping mechanisms were not that great (lots of wine and lots of chocolate) One thing I found helpful was I started knitting a baby blanket for charity. Every time I needed to banish bad thoughts, or work through my anxiety… I picked up the blanket and knit until I was ready to move on. Some days it was one row, some days it was… well, a lot. There’s something soothing to the knitting process (as you know) and something soothing about working on an item that will bring love into someone else’s life. Just an idea! (I think Zoe had some great advice as well.) Hugs friend, hang in there!

  15. waiting totally sucks, no matter how you slice it. but what super-sucks is when you’re expected one timeline, and then it changes on you. those extra days, weeks, and months truly feel like an eternity.
    i hope that things move in the *right* direction very soon! big hugs!!!

  16. Kala says:

    Ahh the waiting. It’s never easy. I’m hoping you don’t have to wait long!!

  17. angela says:

    Hoping you’re approaching the finish line Kelly!

  18. Kelly says:

    Kelly, I’m sick of your waiting too! It’s just too long. Six holidays waiting for a child would be hard for anyone to bear. I just know next year is your year. Praying for more referrals and that your timeline shrinks. Hugs.

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