one year in

One year ago today, we submitted an application to our home study agency and started our adoption process.

I’m not sure how I feel about the fact that we are now a full year into the process. On one hand, it sort of seems like it was just last month. Time does fly, I suppose. On the other hand, it’s sort of depressing, because we likely have at least another year ahead of us. So it’s not like we’re close to bringing our child home.

Families receiving infant referrals from our agency now have been waiting 18 months. (We have been officially waiting for 4.5 months.) That’s definitely on the long end of their current estimated 12-18 month wait. We asked our case worker if the wait range was likely to change, and she said that they like to see a definite trend as opposed to one or two cases before changing the estimated wait time, and that in June they will look at trends and determine whether changes will be made. (They do this twice a  year, I believe.)

It’s so hard to know what to think about the wait time. I was recently discussing this with another PAP, and it’s this combination of us wanting to have our family together, but also knowing that in order for our child to come to us, it means that he or she must go through the loss of their birth family. So how do you hope for that?

The wait times are so unpredictable, too, because the agencies don’t know how many children will come into care and be available for adoption. Sometimes there are several referrals in a month, and sometimes there aren’t any. There is absolutely no way to predict it. Things could get faster, or they could get slower.

So, I guess I’m thinking that being a year into this process is not really very meaningful. It’s an anniversary of taking a very big step, though, so it’s worth taking a moment to acknowledge and reflect upon the journey so far.

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14 Responses to one year in

  1. Michelle says:

    This journey has its ups and downs as you know. Celebrate the milestones and know that you are taking steps forward towards your child, not backwards. It is hard to find the positive some days but this is one!

  2. Jenny says:

    it’s crazy how quickly time frames change w/adoptions… hopefully in june you’ll hear some good news about shorter times 🙂 you are closer than you’ve ever been though! that’s what i always have to tell myself…

  3. Zoe says:

    Congrats. I think 🙂 I think one positive thing is that the time really does pass — the year in many ways has flown. The next year will as well. I think this process feels like it will never end. But I think it’s so helpful to keep in mind the desire not to rush our children’s story, and to use the time well. I hope your wait ends up being on the shorter side — I’m praying for that!

  4. Krista says:

    It is a big step – and it does deserve some recognition. I’m sorry you are still waiting, but 2010 is your year – I can feel it! Keep your chin up!

  5. Wow, it’s wild that it’s been a whole year! How can that be???!
    You’re right that this process does funny things to our perception of time. My take is that you celebrate each milestone, no matter how small. I love that you have 4.5 months of the wait behind you! Think how much closer you are!
    I know, though, that it’s tough to know there’s so much ahead of you. I hope there’s a trend discovered that means you get to meet your child sooner 🙂

  6. Christine K says:

    It sounds like you are using your time of waiting as a positive thing–getting to know more about your child’s culture, enjoying time with your hubby, and celebrating life and the milestones that come. You are in this time of your life right now for a reason! Hopefully things will pick up, though, and you will get your referral sooner than expected.

  7. Erin says:

    That is such a long wait. Hang in there. Suffering through IF or waiting to adopt is so emotionally draining and just feels like a gap or a huge hole in life sometimes, ya know?

    I hope within the next year it happens for you!!! I can’t wait for you…but waiting with you.

  8. sue says:

    i remember being a year into the process and not being anywhere close to a referral – our reasons were different for waiting longer – but man it was weird to realize it had been a year! i, too think it deserves recognition! i think we should celebrate all the little things while waiting to adopt – we need it.

    i’m hoping, too, that there is a new trend and you hear of your child sooner rather than later.

  9. Jodi says:

    I hope time continues to fly for you!!!

    The mixed emotions are tough…

    At least you have a whole year under your belt! That’s a good thing, right?

  10. Christine says:

    I remember that milestone too… and we were only two weeks into our referral wait! Each day brings you another day closer though, and whatever the wait is, it’s the exact length of time that you need to be matched with *your* child.

    Celebrate!

  11. CatherineD says:

    I love what Christine said about the time needed to be matched with your child… it’s so true. You are one year closer, and that is definitely exciting!

  12. Meg says:

    We’re right behind you! Almost 1 year working with WHFC…I can’t believe it! We both have a long wait ahead of us and I agree with the other comments that there is a reason to celebrate! Good think the world of IA is never boring… 😉

  13. Kelly says:

    Definitely a reason to celebrate. One year of waiting is DONE. I hope the next few months fly by for you (for all of us, really) because good times wait for you. I also happen to agree with Christine’s philosophy that how ever much time you have to wait it’s the right amount because your child is at the end of that road.

  14. Janet says:

    I know what you mean about it feeling like it has gone quickly, but also slowly…all at the same time. I think it is good to celebrate being ONE YEAR IN…just think how much closer you are now than a year ago. That is worth celebrating, for sure!

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