communicating about pregnancy loss

I’ve made countless wonderful friends and connections through this blog. I will say it time and time again: I am so thankful for the people I’ve met. So thankful.

One of the people I’ve met through the blog is Kate. She doesn’t blog, but she found my balanced translocation post a while back (her husband has a BT), and we’ve had a nice email exchange ever since. Kate has had many pregnancy losses, including one at six months, which I can’t even begin to imagine.

Kate is finishing her bachelor’s degree in communication, and a couple of weeks ago she contacted me and asked if I would be interested in being interviewed for her big research paper, which she decided to do on communication related to pregnancy loss. Of course I was happy to participate. Kate said she found my use of the blog as a communication tool to be very interesting when many people dealing with pregnancy loss keep things very private. (An interesting aside: When Kate pitched the paper topic to her professor, she learned that her professor had been through years of infertility. Small world.)

So I answered several questions, including questions like the following:

  • Were you able to share your story while going through it?
  • Who did you feel comfortable talking to?
  • Were there some people that you didn’t want to talk to?
  • Did you ever feel bad about not sharing?
  • Did you ever regret sharing?
  • Did you ever share to help someone going through a similar experience?
  • Do you think sharing or not sharing helped or hurt?
  • If you could go back, would you share or not share in the same way?

In my answers to Kate’s questions, I stated that communicating about our losses has been tremendously helpful to me. Whether talking with family and friends, or working with my therapist, or participating in the online balanced translocation support group, or the blogging I do and the blogs I read, it has all been so incredibly helpful. I can’t imagine going through this sort of thing alone. I have also definitely done some of my blogging in part to help others through similar situations. I can’t tell you how good it makes me feel when I get a comment on a post from someone telling me that they felt less alone after reading what I had shared about my own situation. If I can do something to help someone else through something similar, I’m all for it.

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9 Responses to communicating about pregnancy loss

  1. Allison says:

    Reading blogs from other mothers who have lost babies/child(ren) no matter what stage or pregnancy or childhood has really helped me begin to heal from our loss (granted I am still in the very early stages of this but it’s helped none the less) and starting my blog as just a way to express things and feeling that I am having has helped. I dont really care if anyone reads it or not as it is for me alone, but if it helps someone else out there that is going through the same thing is great. So i have to agree with you that its a good thing

  2. Elizabeth says:

    I haven’t experienced the pain you have, but I definitely agree that the community we all have here is amazing. I never suspected I’d have so many close friends just from a blog 🙂
    And what a cool paper that Kate is writing!

  3. Erin says:

    Awesome that she is doing her paper on pregnancy loss and BT, something that has emotionally changed her life forever. I think blogging defintely helped me to “connect” with other people when I felt so alienated in my real life.

    I had a great aunt who suffered from infertility. She had kids and never spoke about it. I wish she would have left her story behind for people like me who would have connected with it.

  4. Kelly says:

    Kelly, what an amazing experience to work with Kate on her paper on this important topic. I do wonder if people in our generation share more intimate details of their lives in part because of technology like blogs. Not sure if her paper addresses that, but I find the question interesting.

  5. Jenny says:

    that’s so great that Kate decided to do her paper on this! i’m glad you could be a part of it. blogging/communicating about infertility for me was a HUGE help. i don’t know what i would have done if i didn’t have my online support group!!! you all keep me sane! and now, same goes for adoption!

  6. mkwewer says:

    It’s wonderful that Kate is doing a paper on loss and BT! That makes me so happy! Blogging was a huge help to me and I hate that I feel like I can’t do it anymore. I’m grateful that I have met people like you and Erin and that others…it’s really been a comfort. I hope you are having a great holiday!

  7. Leah says:

    Communication is such a powerful and healing tool. How wonderful that Kate is doing a paper on it. It’s so nice to have support out there.

  8. Robin says:

    Do you think she’ll let you read her paper when she’s done? That’s pretty cool of her to do that.

    Sorry I have been MIA. I keep forgetting to check your blog via my google reader. Then I read two or three posts all at once and don’t want to comment on the old stuff that you might not see anyway.

    I’m happy to hear about your Thanksgiving travel. It will be lots of fun! Your dogs look cute.

    I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving and definitely keep us in the loop about that paper!

    ((hugs))

  9. Christine says:

    I wonder a similar thing as Kelly… do we approach things in a fundamentally different way because of our exposure to technology. I’m much better at sharing things on my blog than I am in person. Hmmm… food for thought (for me at least).

    Cool paper!

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