This is Lamby:
Cute, huh? She sits on the shelf above my desk, in the room that will become our nursery. My mom sent her to me when I was about 8 weeks pregnant, and it was the first item I received for our baby-to-be. She’s awfully cute and snuggly, but the real reason behind this particular choice of stuffed animal was that my very first stuffed animal as a baby was also a lamb. Now, that lamb, also called Lamby (because my mom and I are very creative with names, you know), was one of those really firm, rigid stuffed animals from the mid-70s and wasn’t exactly a cuddly thing you’d picture a child loving on. But my great-aunt gave it to me as a newborn and after all these years, I still have it. (It’s in a bin somewhere. I thought about pulling it out to take a photo, but that would have involved unloading a closet or two to find it, so that thought was a fleeting one.)
To this day, after two more brief pregnancies and 8 months into our adoption process, Lamby is still the only thing I have for our future child. No books, toys, clothes, nursery items, or potential names. We have nothing. I just can’t seem to get myself to acquire things, make plans, or even think concretely about the fact that a child is supposedly coming our way.
I guess I don’t know what I would do with anything we might acquire now. It would have to just sit in a box somewhere for the next 18 months. I know I’m just not going to be emotionally able to put a nursery together until we have a referral in hand and a real time frame in mind. I just don’t think I can handle looking at an empty nursery month after month.
However, there have been a couple of Ethiopian-related things I have had an inkling to buy lately. This blanket is one that I think I am going to purchase. A fellow blogger, Jamey, is making and selling these in part to help fund their Ethiopian adoption. They’re beautiful blankets and I love the meaning and cause behind them. So maybe I can pick up a few things like this here or there and at least feel like I’m doing something for our wee Ethiopian.
Oh, screw it. I honestly wasn’t planning on it as I wrote this post, but I just ordered the blanket.
There, I did it. I have acquired something for our child.
Does it make me a total loser if I got a little teary-eyed as I placed the order? (Remember: I cry at everything.)