Our social worker from WHFC had one notable comment when she reviewed our home study. She wanted us to understand that with the way our age parameters were noted (preferring under 12 months, but open to up to 18 months), we would almost surely receive a referral in the 12-18-month range. This is for the simple reason that most people ask for under 12 months, so whenever people are open to up to 18 months, that’s usually what they’ll get. She wanted to make sure we understood this. Although we long ago decided to take wait times out of our decision-making process, I did ask if the wait time was significantly different (shorter) for the 12-18 month range. It is not.
Anyway, Craig and I talked about it, and we have decided to follow our gut and stick with the under-12-month range. We know that placement does not occur for 2-6 months after referral, so even with that age range, our child may be up to 18 months old at the time he or she comes home. A part of me feels bad for not opening ourselves up to a larger age range, but I’ll get over that. (Yes, I realize I have a pattern of feeling bad about my decisions and/or feelings. It’s something I am trying to work on.)
So, the home study will be adjusted a bit to note this change.
I should explain a bit about how we actually talked about this. Craig and I do some great talking over Gmail Chat while we’re both at work. We’re both glued to our computers all day and neither of us are too into talking on the phone. We both saw the email from the SW at the same time and we started to have a little dialogue about it. And then we had a jinx moment – where we both typed the same thing at the same time. And the same thing was: “So, we should probably stick with under 12 months.”
This served as yet another reminder of how grateful I am that we have been on the same page throughout our family-building journey. We have had some real struggles, but we have really never had to deal with a situation where one of us wanted to do something and the other didn’t. For example, we both agreed when it was time to seek fertility assistance, but then later, neither of us was interested in doing IVF. We both knew when it was time to seriously consider adoption, and we had similar thoughts in our agency selection and our choice to pursue the Ethiopia route. We might reach decisions in different ways or on different time frames, but we’re on the same page. And I am so happy about that.