doldrums

I’m in a bit of a down swing right now. It seems to be going around – I follow many blogs and a few of my online friends have noted that they are feeling down in the dumps as well.

Last weekend was hard. A good portion of it was spent with people with young children and with people who are having babies very soon. It’s nothing against them (we thoroughly enjoyed our time with all of them) but events like that always serve as yet another reminder of where we are and where everyone else is. Their lives are so different from ours. I try to do my best to participate in the conversations and show interest in what they have to say about their lives, all the while stifling the sadness and jealousy and anger because I’m not in their shoes. At least I didn’t do any crying in public.

We have many friends who have conceived and delivered two (or even more) children in the time we’ve tried to have one. That number will continue to grow since we have at least two years until our adoption is complete. I just hate being stuck in the same place when that place is not where I want to be. I need to find a way to stop thinking that way; I’m just not sure how.

I’d like to spend some time focusing on some other areas of my life. I just have to find the motivation to make changes, and I’m fresh out of motivation right now.

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9 Responses to doldrums

  1. Elizabeth Frick says:

    I’m sorry you’re down lately 😦
    I don’t know how you feel *exactly* but I have some idea. It sucks to be around people who are where you want to be in life. I tried so hard to convince myself to be happy with where we were and it was a daily (hourly sometimes) struggle. The one thing I’m SO glad we did pre-kid was to make a list of things we wanted to do before becoming parents. Things you can’t do once a baby arrives. I hate doling out unsolicited advice, but maybe it’ll help to distract you? It worked for us b/c it forced us to check things off our list that otherwise would have gone undone for years.

  2. Brandi says:

    ((HUGS)) Love ya girl!! I know it’s hard on you. I agree with Elizabeth. Do some things together! Trust me, once kids arrive, there’s no “you” time. You’ll be glad you did things while you had the chance!!

  3. Rachel says:

    I know exactly what you mean. That’s why I signed up for pottery class, and when that got canceled (shocker, considering it was me) we got a dog.

    The dog has changed everything.

  4. Kelly says:

    We’ve been working on “our” time (or I have been working on “my” time) for the past four years while trying to conceive (really, the 9 years we’ve been married) and the rest of the things we’d like to do are pretty unrealistic at this point. I’d love to travel or move somewhere new but we can’t afford it. My animal shelter work is a good side project for me but it’s often depressing (my brother called me masochistic when I signed on to that role). I guess I need to find something that’s interesting and fun yet free or extremely low cost.

  5. Christine says:

    Ugh… been there as well! Especially the whole part about some having the two kids in the span of none for us. No advice unfortunately, since I just threw myself into work, and I _don’t_ suggest that! Just wanted to let you know that I’ve been in similar “dumps” – hang in there!

  6. robinsonsarewaiting says:

    Oh yes… I remember those feelings. I had baby shower after baby shower or pregnancy anouncement after anouncement always at the wrong times – after getting my period, or after another surgery that couldn’t correct my endo. It sucked.
    But once you get the picture of your little baby you will “forget” all about it. Hard to imagine now – but you will have so much other stuff on your mind – and a perma grin on. I agree – do the couple thing with your hubby – and travel if you can.

  7. chasingsaints says:

    I can’t help but read your post with my coaching hat on (which I guess makes sense since I do life coaching).

    It may help to consider what you’re telling yourself about this time in your life… One perspective or viewpoint is that it sucks. What are other potential ways to view this time (even if you don’t feel them right now)? What would it take for you to see this time as something important, valuable and meaningful?

    (I can’t help but also wonder if you’re getting enough joy from other endeavors and activities.)

    Hope this isn’t corny or invasive. I know it’s hard to be in a downer place.

    Peace,
    Zoe

  8. Emily says:

    I’m so sorry to hear you are feeling down. I felt the same way for a long time! Sucks! I know there is nothing I can say that will really help, but I’ll be thinking of you and checking your blog to see your little darling. It will happen!

  9. survivingbaby says:

    I just had this same experience over the weekend. Hubby and I were the only people without kids and two separate events. It makes me not want to go places with these people but then I do have such a good time when I am with them I just have to fight through the initial, “man, I wish the boys were here…” It’s hard and it’s not fair…

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