may 15

Today we could be celebrating our first child’s first birthday. May 15, 2008 was our first due date. We viewed that first pregnancy as a miracle, since it took us two years to get pregnant and we had conceived naturally after nearly a year of fertility treatment. We naively assumed all would be well and that sometime mid-May, we would have a healthy baby in our arms.

I am at peace – for the most part, anyway – with our losses. I really am. I know that those pregnancies were not meant to be, and that the reason (we assume) that they did not succeed was because the babies were genetically unbalanced due to my balanced translocation. But I think that May 15th will likely be a date that reminds me of some of our struggles. The other due dates don’t stand out in my mind so much (although I remember them as well), I guess because after that first loss we were on pins and needles for the other short pregnancies and we knew not to get our hopes up.

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4 Responses to may 15

  1. robinsonsarewaiting says:

    thinking of you.

  2. Chelsea says:

    I’m sorry you have that memory 😦

    Hopefully soon you will have so many unbelievable memories with a new child it will warm your hearts so much that it will be hard to feel the pain that you do now.

    Love you both.

  3. Toni Owens says:

    Thanks for the link to your scarf. Very nice!

    My daughter also went through the adoption process. Her boys have been with us for almost 2 years now. She adopted 3 boys (all at once! Yikes!) from Poland. They have been a joy to us all and I’m sure you will experience the same happiness and fulfillment.

  4. Christine says:

    Virtual Hugs. I hope that for every moment of pain this has brought you, you have ten times that in moments of joy. And may that joy be ten-fold!

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