I had my physical examination yesterday. Everything went fine and my doctor stated that I was in “excellent health” and that I will be a “wonderful parent” on the form. She noted that I should continue to monitor my thyroid levels and that I should continue to work on losing weight. Both of those comments were expected. But she was very positive throughout the forms and she also seemed genuinely excited for us. I have been her patient since we moved to Baltimore in 2001, so she has been through a lot of these ups and downs with me. I have to go back tomorrow to have my TB skin test read and I still have to obtain the results from my blood panel, HIV test, and urinalysis, but neither my doctor nor I expect any problems with those. (Knock on wood.) Thankfully, she actually completed all of the paperwork while I waited, so I don’t have to do any follow-up with her. I’ll just have to get copies of the labwork to submit to the agency.

My doctor did make the comment that so many adoptive parents hate – the “Now that you’re adopting, you’ll probably get pregnant!” comment. I was a bit amazed that this would come from a medical professional, one who is familiar with my history and aware of my balanced translocation. I guess it’s a sign that she, like many doctors, has no clue what the balanced translocation means. It’s a relatively rare genetic disorder and it’s simply not a part of an internist’s daily medical practice, so I don’t really fault her for that. But really, no matter what leads one to adopt, pretty much no adoptive parent wants to hear that comment. I guess more than anything, it’s a sign that the person making the comment doesn’t understand the tremendous thought and consideration that goes into making the decision to adopt. I gave her a polite response, which was that we now know that we can get pregnant, but getting a pregnancy to stick is another matter. And I told her that we were fully committed to the adoption route and that trying to get pregnant is not a priority for us right now. I’m not saying it’s something we’ll never pursue, or that we’ll ever use birth control again (the thought of that pretty much makes me laugh out loud – seriously). Craig and I both feel that if we keep trying, we can eventually succeed with a pregnancy, but we have no idea how long it will take or how many more losses we’ll have to endure to get there.

Anyway, I’m sure of one thing: This adoption process is not for people who are just going through it because they hope to end up pregnant!

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6 Responses to physical

  1. Rachel says:

    I can’t believe your doctor said that! My sympathies. How ignorant.

  2. Elizabeth Frick says:

    I *so* appreciate what you said in your post. As someone who chose adoption, I found it insulting that people thought it was a fall-back option for us. And they would get this wistful, almost pitying look on their faces like we had to settle for adoption. But I really appreciate that you are in agreement that adoption (usually) takes much time, thought, effort and research and isn’t just a backup plan. I know adoption wasn’t necessarily your first choice, which makes your comments so much more meaningful. Thank you!

  3. survivingbaby says:

    That’s just lovely. That’s as bad as people who tell you “go on vacation, you’ll get pregnant” or “relax, it will happen.” Sure, it will happen but it might not last…I’m so sorry, how insensitive of him.

  4. Anonymous says:

    My husband has a balanced translocation, and we chose to adopt after having 3 miscarriages in one year. We did a domestic adoption. Many, many people said the “now that you have adopted, you will get pregnant” to us as well. Including people who knew I had been pregnant three times and that getting pregnant was never the issue!
    Adoption has been an amazing experience for us, and I hope it will be for you as well.

  5. Christine says:

    I hate those comments. I’ve come up with a good list of comebacks though! Email me if you want me to list them out for you. Having a retort ready is half the battle. (They are not all mean either!)

  6. Christine says:

    I hate those comments. I’ve come up with a good list of comebacks though! Email me if you want me to list them out for you. Having a retort ready is half the battle. (They are not all mean either!)

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