I’m so frustrated right now, so I need to vent a little bit. I went to the state police barracks this morning to get my fingerprinting done. (Craig is going to another location near his office.) They are only open for fingerprinting on Thursdays between 9am and 11am, so I got there right at 9:00. There were a few people ahead of me, and after about 45 minutes it was my turn. The guy was very friendly, and started looking at my papers. He had me sign the first form, and then looked at my driver’s license. He said, “I’m confused – this isn’t the signature I’m supposed to see.” At first, I didn’t really understand what he was saying. I said, “Oh, am I supposed to sign my full middle name instead of just the initial?” I mean, honestly, I have not looked at the signature on my driver’s license in, oh, the nine years since I obtained it. He told me that the signature I just signed – which, by the way, is how I always sign my name – didn’t look like the signature on the license. But of course he wouldn’t let me look at the license to see what was different about it.
I told the man that I had obtained that driver’s license about 3 days after returning from my honeymoon in 2000. I remember that I was so excited to get my new license with my new last name. I had probably never even signed my new name before signing it at the MVA. When I did finally get to look at the license, after he told me he couldn’t take my prints because he couldn’t confirm my identity and gave it back to me, I saw that it looks like a young person wrote it out (granted, I was 24) – every letter perfectly articulated, nice and loopy, etc. I mean, you can still read my name in my current signature, but it ain’t pretty. (I’m a lawyer and I sign too many things to make a pretty signature.)
So, I left. And then I sobbed in the car in the parking lot. It was just so frustrating. Crying was probably not the most appropriate reaction, but it’s what came to me. I’ve been feeling good about all of the paperwork, etc. that we have to go through. It really isn’t all that bad (so far), and it gives me a project to work on. We have a timeline and a plan. I like projects and plans. And now this is a hiccup in the plan. The reaction was in part due to frustration that not only do I have to get fingerprinted to have a child, but now apparently I have to go to the frickin’ MVA to get a stupid new driver’s license that shows my current signature on it. I spent an hour and a half this morning doing something and got nowhere, and now I’ll need to go back and do it again next week, after spending who knows how long at the MVA to get a new license.
I thought about just trying to go to another place for the fingerprinting, and of course practicing my old signature in the meantime, but I think the more straightforward thing to do is to get a new license. If my signature on the fingerprinting cards doesn’t match my signature on the 10,000 other things we have to sign for this stuff, then I think that could be problematic in the long run.
I had already planned to take tomorrow off, since I’ve worked two 12-hour-plus days this week, and I guess I’ll go spend half of my day at the MVA. I was hoping to have a lazy day of doing nothing. Oh well.
I’m frustrated that this is now holding up our clearance, which will then in turn hold up our home study. Obviously if I can get the prints done next week then it’s just a week, and what’s a week in the grand scheme of things? But I’m not feeling totally rational about that right now.
Of course I also realize that this is the first hiccup in what is sure to be a series of many hiccups along this route. I think it just brought to light some feelings that are still bubbling beneath the surface. And that’s a good thing – I need to work on addressing these issues.