scrutiny

We’re working on the adoption application to the new agency. I started on the paperwork last Sunday. I got about halfway through and provided names, SSNs, DOBs, work history, education levels, life insurance policy numbers, amounts owed on car loans, etc. Then I got to the part where it asked for four personal (unrelated) references and I froze. It just made me mad. I do understand why a certain level of scrutiny is involved in any adoption. Obviously we as a society have to ensure that we’re placing children in appropriate homes, and not putting them in harm’s way. However, it just ticks me off that I have to provide personal references, financial dossiers, medical information, and even two recent photos of each of us in order to simply get in the door at an agency. I get into the woe-is-me mode and think about how so many people have unplanned or unwanted children with none of these considerations. And then I start feeling like this is so unfair that this is what we have to do.

I also started to really stress out about the financial implications of adoption. We are lucky to have family members who have offered to lend us money that would cover most of the fees. I don’t know how we would do it, otherwise. It’s amazing how expensive it is, even to a dual-income couple with high levels of education and white collar professions. We really need to make some significant adjustments to our spending habits to make this work. The tax credits will be very helpful, but they only come after the adoption is completed, and they’ll cover only about half of the amount.

I have to say, this stuff put me in a real funk. I actually had to leave work on Monday in the middle of the day because I couldn’t stop crying. I left for about three hours, went home, crawled into bed, and took a nap. Then I went back to work, attended my meetings, and went on with my day. I’ve learned that these are the types of things I need to do on occasion, and I’m glad that my job is flexible and nobody really cares if I just leave for three hours in the middle of a day. Anyway, I think the mini-meltdown helped me get through the sadness and anger and feel like I could proceed with the rest of the week.

This weekend we completed most of the rest of the application. We need to secure our references, find photos and actually print them out (I have no hard copies of any recent photos), and figure out which program(s) we’re interested in pursuing. At this point, we’re open to most of them, because we feel we need to have an actual conversation with a social worker to understand which we’re even eligible for (given our experience with the last agency). We also need to determine which health risks/medical conditions we will be open to considering. Fun stuff.

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4 Responses to scrutiny

  1. Rachel says:

    Filling out adoption agency forms really pissed me off, too. It’s like two steps forward, one step back.

  2. Kate D. says:

    We have just started to look into adoption agencies. The whole process feels like an invasion of our privacy & such a different way to “try” to have a baby. I agree that it is very frustrating that there are unplanned or unwanted pregnancies in this world – and we go through so much heart ache, just because we want children & haven’t been successful yet.

  3. SJG says:

    All the reference and info is a pain but the thing we have to keep in mind is that all the checks they do keep adoption out of negative headlines. The more adoption is in the media from a negative standpoint the more countries refuse us and the more stories spread that stop loving people like us from adopting.

  4. BB says:

    I am glad to read that someone else occasionally has to head home because the tears won’t stop. I wish I could say it only happened once or twice for me…

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