26

Today marks 26 months of waiting.

It’s amazing how reaching a milestone like this can put me in a funk. We had a nice Christmas (although it certainly wasn’t the one I truly wanted), we enjoyed time with my family, and I’ve had a good week. We had fun celebrating a friend’s birthday last night. But today my mood is in the toilet.

It doesn’t help that it is the end of the year. I cannot believe that I am once again saying to myself, “Next year will be better. Next year will be THE year.” I’ve been saying that at the end of every year since 2005; that’s the year we started on this family-building journey.

I’ve been through enough of these milestones, though, to know that the funk passes. Our plans for a fun New Year’s Eve celebration with friends will certainly help.

Bring it on, 2012. I am ready.

paris – day five

The last day of our trip was spent all over the map – quite literally – since we had a few major destinations we wanted to fit in. First up was a half-day trip out of the city to the quaint village of Giverny, best known for being the home to Monet’s gardens.

We took a 45-minute train ride through a bit of lovely French countryside to the small town of Vernon. From there, we rented bikes for the 6km trip to Giverny. This was a wonderful choice, especially since we had perfect weather. I think we both enjoyed the ride to and from Giverny almost as much as the destination itself.

Part of the small town of Vernon.

Crossing the Seine.

Entering Giverny.

We went straight to Monet’s home. The gardens behind his home/studio did not disappoint, even in mid-October when it would have been understandable to have less-than-exciting gardens:

Next we crossed under the road and visited the setting for the famous Water Lilies.

If we were to do this again, I’d give ourselves more time in Giverny. We would have liked to explore some of the little art galleries or cafes, but we had to get back to Vernon to catch the train so that we could finish up our Paris sightseeing. The bike ride back was just as fun and scenic as the ride to Giverny, though.

We had time to stop in a cute little patisserie/cafe in Vernon to enjoy a bite for lunch (and a treat of macarons, of course) before returning our bikes and boarding the train back to Paris.

The train station was on the north side of Paris, which was perfect because we had not yet had time to really explore the Montmartre area, even though we had been there two days earlier for our cooking class. First stop: La Basilique du Sacre Coeur, which sits atop the only real hill in Paris.

After touring the interior of the church (no photos allowed), we walked around the neighborhood a bit. Montmartre is known for its artsy, bohemian scene.

Before leaving the neighborhood, we stopped at a cafe for a late-afternoon glass of wine. At this point we debated whether we should go back to the hotel, but we decided we didn’t have time since we still had more to explore!

We traveled by subway to Rue Cler, a well-known market street. Unfortunately, since it was early evening by now, many of the shops were closed, but we still got a taste of what it would be like. It would definitely be more fun to visit in the morning and see the hustle and bustle. We stopped for dinner and enjoyed some lovely omelettes, and then picked up some crepes (yum, nutella!) to eat on our walk. I was really excited about our next destination, which we had intentionally saved for a nighttime visit. As we walked, I knew that if I glanced to the right I could probably catch a few glimpses, but I purposely kept my focus straight ahead. I wanted to enter the park, make a turn to the right, and see this:

It was worth the wait to see the illuminated Eiffel Tower in full view!

By far my favorite self-portrait of the trip!

A few days earlier, we had purchased tickets to go up to the second level of the tower (not the top) at 10pm. We had about an hour to kill, and I didn’t have my much-needed jacket (it was much colder this evening than any other evening of the trip), but we waited it out. Unfortunately, I would have to disagree with our guidebook’s advice about buying tickets in advance, because others were able to walk right up to the ticket counter, buy tickets, and get in line for the elevators, and we had to sit and wait. Eventually, we made it up and saw the views of a lit-up Paris. I was too cold to enjoy it much (as evidenced below), but Craig explored a bit.

This is my "It's friggin' cold so take the darn photo already!" look. I was extra thankful for that scarf, which I had purchased in Montmartre that afternoon.

We took the subway back to the Odeon neighborhood and walked the stretch to our hotel for the last time, exhausted (but happy) from an extra-long, extra-busy day. 

The following morning we had one last Parisian breakfast at a cafe around the corner from our hotel – baguettes and croissants and coffee and hot chocolate – and then headed off for the airport. We had our only real glitch here, with luggage in tow, when we couldn’t buy tickets at the commuter train station. The ticket window was closed and the machines wouldn’t take our US credit card. So, since I am the better navigator of the two of us, I left Craig with all of our bags and headed out to try to buy tickets. The next station didn’t have a window, and a nearby newstand only sold tickets in batches of 20. We didn’t have enough cash (or want to spend the money) for a taxi, but I knew we could stop at an ATM and go that route if we really needed to. I decided to go back to Craig and we would walk together to the next station that the newstand man told me would have a ticket window. Of course, when I got back, our ticket window was open, we bought our tickets, and all was well. This little diversion cost us about 30 minutes, so we were glad we had given ourselves plenty of time to get to the airport.

Our trip was absolutely wonderful, and we are both so happy that we took it. We hemmed and hawed over whether we should spend the money on a trip like this, especially after our hurricane issues and getting the news in mid-September that we could receive a referral any day. (Ha!) But at that point the airfare was paid for (and nonrefundable) and we decided to go for it. And we enjoyed every single second of it. We needed the break from real life and we were able to enjoy a truly special experience for just the two of us before we become a party of three. We will treasure the memories forever.

Ah, Paris…

activity

To be filed in the good news/bad news category:

Yesterday’s weekly update from our agency showed that three referrals had gone out, including two in our age range! (That’s the good news.)

Unfortunately, neither referral was for us.  (Bad news.)

I have to admit that I was completely flabbergasted when I saw this. I mean, I have been positive that we were next up. How could there be referrals, but not one for us?

Our agency does not tell us where we are on the list. So, when our case manager told us she could be calling any day now (starting in September), and then last week shared with me details of what days she’d be taking off for the holidays (and told me that if our referral came in, someone else would be calling us), I took that as a sign that we must be next. They are usually very non-committal and not interested in giving you time estimates. Combine that with the information shared about the length of time families are waiting in our weekly updates (which has pretty much exactly matched our length of wait for months now), and I was just SURE we were next. Why bother telling people you could be calling any day now if there were at least three other families ahead of them? (Since that call in September there have been three other referrals in our age range.)

I spent time last night and this morning responding to emails from friends with the same agency who saw the update and were also just sure it was us. I love that they were all disappointed, too, when they heard it wasn’t! This support system is simply awesome. (Anyone interested in seeing what sort of support you can get through blogging should read through the comments on my last non-Paris post. Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you.)

Despite my surprise about this, I’m not sad. I had convinced myself that nothing was going to happen before the holidays, so it’s not a shock to me that we didn’t get a referral. No matter what, it’s very encouraging to see some activity in the referrals department. Some families are having an extra happy holiday season, that is for sure. Let’s hope the trend continues and early 2012 is a busy time for referrals.

paris – day four

The agenda for today consisted of just one destination: Versailles. We took a 30-minute RER train (seemingly the commuter train; we also took this to/from the airport on each end of our trip) ride to the town of Versailles. From the train station, it was about a ten-minute walk to the palace.

Cute flower garden design along the walk

The approach to the palace was impressive. We started to get an idea of the scale even when we were a fair distance away.

I was not a fan of the huge rust-colored arches, which were obviously not original to the design.

Louis XIV was there to welcome us to his humble abode.

After navigating the security line (we could skip the ticket line since we had a museum pass - we would definitely recommend these for convenience, line-skipping, and even some cost saving) and using the restrooms, we decided to follow our guide book’s advice and head straight to the gardens since the palace seemed very crowded. (This was a fantastic choice, since the palace was nearly empty when we got to it at the end of the day.)

I studied Versailles’ gardens in my landscape architecture classes back in college, so I was very excited to see this view:

The grounds were massive and impressive, just as Louis XIV had intended. The level of detail and the amount of art, whether in statue, fountain, or landscape form, was just amazing.

After wandering a while on foot, we decided to rent bikes so we could explore the extents of the grounds. This was a great choice, and we were both happy to ride around and get off the beaten path a bit.

This might look familiar since it's my new header image on the blog.

After riding for a few kilometers around the canal and through the woods, we reached the end of the canal and looked back toward the palace. At this point, the sun also started to come out. We had enjoyed lovely fall temperatures (around 60 degrees) throughout our trip, but up until now, had yet to see anything other than a gray, cloudy sky.

After returning our bikes, we headed to the Trianon Palaces, smaller palaces for when the royals wanted to get away from the hustle and bustle of the main palace (the Chateau). Because, you know, one palace is never enough. First up, Grand Trianon:

The use of the blue colors in the gardens here was incredibly beautiful:

Next we headed toward Petit Trianon, which was built in part to help Louis XV with his interest in botany, but was also helpful for things like housing his mistresses. The grounds there were also lovely.

Temple of Love

After enjoying a couple of quiches (and a few macarons) as a late lunch, we headed back to the Chateau. At this point, we’d been walking/biking around the grounds for about 6 hours.

Royal Chapel

The Chateau’s architecture and art was also impressive and interesting (there was not a surface left bare and untouched, that’s for sure), but Craig and I always enjoy the outdoor spaces the most, so we’ll remember Versailles mostly for the landscape. We took over 150 photos on this day alone!

After a full day at Versailles, we hopped on a train back to Paris. We regrouped at our hotel for a bit and then decided to walk to Ile St. Louis, which we had already explored a bit and found to be quite quaint and charming, to try a restaurant that friends had recommended to us.

We got to walk by the lit-up Notre Dame on the way there, which was quite lovely (phone photo):

 

When we got to the restaurant, it wasn’t the same place that we had looked up (I still haven’t figured this out because we had the address right, as far as I could tell), but it was a lovely little place, and we got the last table. It was a cozy, romantic restaurant with lots of ambiance, and we had a nice, long French meal consisting of several courses.

Here’s Craig saying, “Bon appetit!” and preparing for his lobster to arrive (hence the bib):

Unfortunately we also got to witness some ugly Americans complaining (loudly) about how long their meal was taking. Apparently they didn’t know that the French like to take their time and linger over meals. Man, I really hate people who behave like that! Aside from their obnoxious behavior, we enjoyed our dinner very much (all three hours of it), and headed back to our hotel for the night. The next day was our last day of our trip, and we had (as always) a lot of ground to cover.

an update

I talked with our agency (WHFC) this morning, and thought I’d share what I learned. Consider this an update as to where things stand with our adoption process.

Referrals from our agency have only trickled out recently. It’s been painful to watch our weekly updates and see little to no referral activity. It’s one thing to be anxiously awaiting your own referral, but to know that almost nobody is getting referrals is pretty darn discouraging. However, I know that some agencies haven’t had ANY referrals go out in months, so I suppose it’s good to see any referrals at all.

The slowdown is due to a couple of reasons. First, up until the past several months, about 80% of children adopted from Ethiopia came from just one part of the country – the Sidama region. Adoptions from that region have essentially come to a standstill, due to some changes at the local government level. And, when 80% of something becomes pretty much 0%? Well, that causes some problems. Add to this the government’s closure of over a dozen orphanages (our agency didn’t work with any of the closed orphanages) in recent months due to a variety of concerns, and you end up with a systematic slowdown in terms of referrals.

The in-country program director from our agency has been working on establishing relationships and connections with orphanages in other parts of Ethiopia. We have seen a handful of children referred from Afar and Burji, for example. Apparently it takes a long time to build relationships and then set up a system from scratch.

Another factor is the increased level of scrutiny both at the Ethiopian courts and at the U.S. Embassy. This scrutiny is good, because it helps to ensure that children being adopted are really and truly available for adoption and that there has not been any unethical or corrupt activity. Our agency is doing more legwork and investigation at the front-end of the process, before it matches children with adoptive families. It is great that this is done upfront, but it just means that it takes longer to get to the referral stage.

We know we are essentially at the top of the list and that we will receive one of the next referrals for a child in in our age range (0-18 months). However, when there aren’t many referrals coming, that just leaves us in a place of limbo. I was at least somewhat glad to hear our caseworker acknowledge that to reach the top of the list and experience a simultaneous slowdown in referrals is probably “torturous.” Yeah, I’d say that’s the right word.

So, we continue to wait. We continue on in any-day-now mode and know that the phone could ring tomorrow or it could be a few more months. I am trying to wrap my head around the very likely possibility that we will not have a referral by Christmas or by the end of the year. I was absolutely positive that we would at least know who he or she is by now – that we would have a face and a name and the knowledge of a son or daughter halfway around the world. It is at times overwhelmingly sad to be in the midst of yet another holiday season without at least knowing who our child is. So, please forgive me as I skip some blog posts and don’t comment on every cute photo posted on FB. As selfish as it sounds, there’s only so much I can take right now of other people’s kids meeting Santa, decorating Christmas trees, baking cookies, and doing other cute things. The holidays are a tough time to be childless if it’s not by choice.

*****

Also, on another note, our agency received our completed dossier do-over yesterday. At least that paperwork is behind us.

paris – day three

Today was our last full day in Paris (although we still had two more days left in our trip, we had day trips planned for them), so we had a lot of ground to cover. As usual, we set out on foot to explore.

Place de la Bastille

Starting out at Place de la Bastille (the former site of the fortress-turned-prison that played a famous part in the French Revolution), we took a walk around the Marais District.

Hotel de Sully

We entered Place des Vosges, a lovely square/community park.

I call this one "Le Touriste"

The Marais District is known for a lively shopping area. This was a neat area to explore.

Rue des Francs Bourgeois

And, as always, there were neat little parks like this one to be found along the way.

This part of town also houses the Jewish Quarter, so we walked through that area as well. We eventually reached the Pompidou Center, which is a crazy building of uber-contemporary design, which is fitting since it houses a contemporary art collection. We only stopped there to use the restrooms.

We found ourselves walking past the Louvre and into the Tuilleries Garden again, on our way to our next destination, Musee de l’Orangerie.

Any disappointment we had over the Orsay’s Impressionist wing being closed the day before was quickly abated at the Orangerie, as we enjoyed a lovely collection of Impressionist work. This museum was also just the right size for us. We like to see art, but we don’t fool ourselves and think we actually know anything about art, and honestly, we can only handle so much at a time. So this small museum was a real treat for us.

Monet’s Water Lillies are the main attractions here, in oval-shaped rooms Monet himself designed for them. They are quite impressive:

After the main event (the Water Lillies), we spent an hour or so wandering through the rest of the small collection by artists such as Renoir, Matisse, and Picasso. Again, it was quite enjoyable. I would definitely recommend this museum for anyone interested in Impressionist art.

Back in the Tuilleries Garden, we found an outdoor cafe and enjoyed an afternoon snack of crepes and a cheese plate.

At this point, I convinced Craig that we needed to take our first subway ride of the trip. He prefers to walk everywhere, but we had to be at our next destination at a certain time, and we just weren’t going to make it. So, we took the subway to the Montmartre neighborhood, on the north side of the city. I had hoped to have time to tour the neighborhood, but we only had time for a little bit. (Thankfully we were able to come back on Friday to see the rest.)

Yet another great little Parisian park.

While planning our trip, Craig had learned about a cooking school that was very highly rated, and since he is an amateur chef, we decided to try it out. It was an enjoyable time, and while I didn’t feel like I actually cooked my meal, we did help with all of the steps and we definitely learned a few things along the way (especially me, since I’m a real novice in the kitchen – this is what happens when your husband likes to cook). It was a fun time and we had a wonderful meal, so it was definitely a great part of our trip.

The first step of the class was to obtain all of the ingredients we needed. We went to the various markets and shops and got a taste of how the locals shop. It’s definitely a different experience than just going to your local mega-supermarket, and certainly a much more enjoyable one.

My favorite stop was the first stop:

Once we had picked up all of our ingredients, we headed to the cooking school. Our class was nice and small, and just consisted of a couple from Toronto, a woman from Brooklyn, and the two of us. This was our work space and, later, our dining area:

Sous Chef Craig

Here comes the food p0rn! (You knew there had to be some on this trip, right?)

Our first course was seared scallops with creamed spinach, served on the shell with a bit of beurre blanc sauce. We actually got the scallops still in the shell, which I’d never seen before. I now know how to properly remove a scallop from its shell (and I’ll probably never again have the opportunity to do so, since I have a feeling it’s rare to find them in-shell anywhere around here).

Next, we enjoyed our main course: duck breast served over a cabbage-carrot-lardon (bacon) mix, served with a nice sauce.

The third course was, of course, the cheese course. (In case anyone is wondering, I think all meals should include a cheese course!) Here’s our chef (Chef Constance) preparing the cheese plate and explaining to us about the various cheeses:

And, last but certainly not least, we enjoyed a lovely creme brulee. (The photographer apparently could not wait to get her spoon into this dish – several times – before taking a photo.)

Each course was paired with wine, and we were ridiculously full, so when we were done we quite literally staggered to the subway and made our way back to the hotel after another long, full, satisfying day in Paris.

paris – day two

We had planned on going to Versailles on this day, a Tuesday. However, since going to Versailles involves taking a train, and the train system was shut down for the day due to a strike, we adjusted our plans and switched a couple of days around in our loose itinerary.

After I jogged around Jardin du Luxembourg, which Craig had visited on our first day but I had missed, and we had a bite for breakfast, we started our touring by taking a walk through some of the more historic parts of Paris.

The fountain at Place St. Michel:

Our first destination of the day was Notre Dame, across the Seine on Ile de la Cite. What an impressive cathedral.

Yes, I was annoyed by the yellow construction equipment.

Listening to Rick.Steves talk about the cathedral. Pretty informative, and cheaper than an audio guide.

We headed inside:

This is one of my favorite photos from the trip.

Back outside, we walked along the side of the church for another view:

Next, we crossed back over to the Left Bank and explored a bit.

We enjoyed a bit of a stroll through the Latin Quarter, which is a lively area of cafes and shops:

Then we walked back over to Ile de la Cite, and visited the Conciergerie, the former prison where people headed to the guillotine were held. What a beautiful structure on the interior, especially for a prison:

Next, we grabbed some lunch and ate on a bench in front of Notre Dame. After that, we headed for Saint-Chapelle. It is fairly unassuming from the outside, and sort of hidden away since it is surrounded by judicial buildings.

But, it is WOW on the inside:

The lower chapel.

Next, we decided to walk to the Musee d’Orsay, a museum that houses French art of the 1800s and 1900s. I’ve always been a big fan of Impressionist art, so I was excited to see a big collection. When we arrived, we wandered a bit around the first floor and then decided to move on to the main event. Unfortunately, though, we couldn’t find the Impressionist wing. Eventually we figured out that the entire wing was closed for renovation, and that it was scheduled to reopen the following week. We were so bummed!

At this point, it was late afternoon and we headed back to our hotel for a bit of a break. When we were ready for dinner, we decided to check out a couple of places we had passed on Boulevard Saint Germain, the main thoroughfare in our area. We took an outdoor table at Les Deux Magots, which we later learned was apparently one of Hemingway’s haunts back in the day, and enjoyed a good meal. Perhaps the most notable part was dessert – check out that chocolate mousse! YUM. (phone photo)

After stuffing ourselves silly, we took a fairly long walk and headed to the special steps featured in the movie Midnight in Paris where the protagonist was picked up by Hemingway each night at midnight. We found the spot, near the Pantheon, and then strolled back to our hotel to turn in for the night.